EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J.  – After taking a step back in her career, jockey Madeline Rowland is ready to move forward again – doing so with renewed joy. That hasn’t been the case the past few years for the 21-year-old Pennsylvania native, who had a breakout second year when she won 56 races in 2022.

She rides only sporadically these days – she is listed on four horses during Friday night’s Monmouth-at-Meadowlands card – and that’s fine too.

She’s in a good place mentally now, Rowland said.

“After I lost my bug at Tampa Bay Downs (in early 2023) and then with the struggles that followed it became a toxic sport and career for me,” she said. “I hate to say it like that but it affected me a lot. Then it became a little tougher to make weight. That didn’t help.

“The further along I went I noticed I was getting depressed. I think it’s important people know that about jockeys. It can happen to anyone.”

These days, Rowland rides when and where she wants, picking her spots. She has no agent and intends to keep it that way for now.

“I’m freelancing in the morning and riding when I can in the afternoon and taking the opportunities when they come,” she said. “I enjoying riding again. I’ve learned to like it again.”

Rowland said she was so down on her career that she pretty much gave up on achieving any goals. But she is now focused on getting her 100^th career win, needing just three more victories to do so.

“Being this close to 100 wins, I want to get there now,” she said. “I’m not sure I would have said that at the beginning of the summer or the year before. It would mean a lot now.”

Rowland started her career in 20221, winning two of 12 starts.

She then won 56 races from 476 starts in 2022, but both her mounts and win totals dropped dramatically the next two years.  She won 19 races from 280 starts in 2023, then 12 of 190 in 2024.

This year she has eight wins from 89 starts.

“I rode my first race at 17. Then I went to Tampa and had a great year when I was 18,” Rowland said. “At the time I was riding and doing on-line schooling. I’m still young but I was very young then.

“So I got up to this height and then the low really hit me because it happened so quickly. I had to take a step back and think about things. It was not the same for me after I lost my bug because I was not doing well mentally. I had to take a step back.”

Rowland rode sparingly at Monmouth Park in 2023 and then tried the Fair Grounds last winter before returning to Delaware Park this year.

Her outlook changed after she spent some time with trainer Elizabeth Merryman in 2024.

“She’s is my horse mom and I was honest with her. I told her I didn’t want to ride anymore,” Rowland said. “But she talked me into riding a couple of horses for her. I got along especially well with a horse named Az Sharp. He never ran well for anyone but me.

“So I rode him and won and then I rode him back and won and I said `this is fun again.’ It made me want to ride again. I’m so grateful to finally be happy with riding again.”

As for her future, Rowland, whose father trained steeplechase horses, said she will likely remain in the Northeast starting this winter. She will figure things out as opportunities come along, she said.

“I’ll just stay around this area and not stress about riding,” she said. “I feel like I’m in a good place again.”